With the re-opening of nurseries and pre-school daycares in Egypt, many babies and toddlers will encounter their first bout of separation anxiety from their primary caregivers. How can mothers and fathers make this experience less painful for their children?
Separation anxiety is the fear of being taken away by someone you are not familiar with or being surrounded by strangers you do not know. It could take place on a first day at work or a first trip with people you do not know. You might feel a little anxious or worried. What people am I going to meet? Am I going to be safe? All these questions might enter your head because you are not used to being alone for the first time.
If this is the case for grown-ups, try to imagine how it feels for a baby if their mother or father is suddenly not around. At six months old, all you know in life is your mother, and suddenly you are left alone with another caregiver in another environment. You miss her smell. You miss her hug. You miss her voice when suddenly she is not there.
These feelings are known as separation anxiety. Babies and toddlers often get clingy and cry if their mother or other carers leave them, even for a short time.
It is difficult for a baby or toddler to get out of their comfort zone and build a network of trust in another environment. As a result, there should be a strategy for overcoming the separation anxiety a nursery or a pre-school daycare centre might make them feel.
Separation anxiety and the fear of strangers is common in young children between the ages of six months and three years, but it’s a normal part of your child’s development, and children usually grow out of it.
“It is normal for a baby and a toddler’s development to experience separation anxiety after leaving their primary caregivers, but it is how you leave them that’s the important thing,” Shaimaa Ali, a parenting and a family consultant, said.
Symptoms of separation anxiety include crying, clinginess, and tantrums during goodbyes. Today, it is recommended to practise short separations and work towards longer ones to get children used to being away from their parents.
“I would recommend parents making their babies get used to being cared for by another caregiver like grandparents or aunts before coming to a nursery. There should be some sort of separation between the mother and the baby before the nursery. You should not just drop your baby off at a nursery without making him or her used to being away from their mother before,” Ali said.
She said that some nurseries allow parents to sit in the baby’s classroom all day, creating less separation anxiety. “But this is wrong and may worsen the situation. The baby gets used to their mother being there in the classroom all the time on the first day. So, when she leaves the next day, the baby will experience a traumatic situation,” Ali said, herself a nursery owner and manager.
“Instead, establish brief, consistent goodbye rituals, keep your promises to return, introduce new caregivers gradually, use a familiar comfort item, and give your child a sense of predictability by discussing when you’ll be back using simple terms like ‘after your nap’,” she said.
One mother seen sitting outside a nursery observing her two toddlers from behind the scenes said that “it has been a week since I decided to drop them off at the nursery and that’s why I am trying to make the separation less hurtful.”
“For the past ten days, I have been staying with them for two hours in the nursery and then I leave. The first day was really difficult, but gradually things became better. They are getting used to the environment and the lovely staff here,” Fathia Mohamed, the working mother of two little girls, said.
Mohamed highlighted how many working mothers feel. “People may assume that nurseries are optional for us, as we may or may not want to drop our children off, but we are as worried as they are. We are busy wondering if they are okay or not, whether they have eaten or not, been changed or not, are crying, or are settled,” she said.
“But nurseries are not optional, especially when you have to work as well. Living expenses are high nowadays if we want to give our children a high standard of living,” she added.
Separation anxiety, while usually seen in children, can also occur in adults and can lead to fears that bad things will happen to important people in their lives.
It can be a very real, and often debilitating, condition that can severely impact an individual’s quality of life. Unlike the fleeting tears of a toddler, adult separation anxiety can manifest itself as intense panic, crippling fear, and a pervasive sense of dread when away from loved ones.
The symptoms differ from those in childhood, but people may notice social withdrawal or sadness. The absence of a spouse, child, or close family member may not be just a minor inconvenience but instead be the trigger for profound distress. This can lead to a range of debilitating symptoms including the intense fear of separation, social retreat, profound sadness, cognitive fog, and catastrophic thinking. It can also lead to physical disturbances like sleep deprivation, headaches, and depression.
These symptoms paint a stark picture of a life often dictated by fear, where the simple act of separation can become a formidable challenge, undermining an individual’s well-being and their ability to lead a fulfilling life.
The persistent nature of adult separation anxiety means that daily activities, professional responsibilities, and personal relationships can all suffer. Constant worry and anxiety can erode peace of mind, making it difficult to engage fully with life outside the immediate sphere of the people that are loved the most.
* A version of this article appears in print in the 25 September, 2025 edition of Al-Ahram Weekly
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