“You must step outside the frame of routine and overcome habituation in order to reclaim wonder; it is a positive act of will.”
I began reflecting on the relationship between habituation, the absence of wonder, and the withdrawal of passion in human relationships, and found that there are four philosophical approaches we can revisit.
Before delving into the philosophical dimension, however, we should agree on some definitions to better understand the discussion.
Defining the concepts
Habituation
Habituation is a psychological and neurological process through which a person becomes accustomed to a certain stimulus, a person, a place, or a behaviour, leading over time to a decline in emotional or mental responsiveness to that stimulus.
Habituation is one of the mechanisms of survival, but in relationships, it can lead to emotional stagnation.
Wonder (astonishment)
Wonder is a mental and emotional state that arises when a person encounters something unfamiliar or unexpected.
In philosophy, wonder is considered the first spark of thought and inquiry. As Plato famously said, “Philosophy begins in wonder.”
Passion
Passion is a powerful inner emotion directed toward an idea, a person, or an activity.
In relationships, it is the emotional fuel that keeps individuals engaged and renewed.
Relationships
Relationships are bonds between individuals—emotional, intellectual, social, or existential—sustained through ongoing interaction and exchange.
The central philosophical question
Does habituation extinguish wonder, thereby stripping relationships of their living meaning?
And can passion and wonder be revived through free will, or is emotional fading an inevitable destiny?
Existentialism
Existentialism views the human being as free, yet constantly struggling with meaninglessness and routine.
Søren Kierkegaard spoke of the “silent despair” that afflicts individuals who live without authentic choice.
From this perspective, habituation within relationships can be seen as a form of escape from existential anxiety, masking inner conflict behind a façade of false stability.
Martin Heidegger distinguishes between authentic existence and fallenness into everydayness.
When a relationship loses its sense of wonder, it becomes part of this fallen existence. We begin to treat the other person as something already known, rather than as a living being capable of renewal. Passion withdraws because we stop seeing with the eyes of authentic existence.
The existentialist conclusion:
There is no escape from habituation except through renewed awareness, a conscious and repeated choice to see the other anew, every day.
Phenomenology
From the perspective of phenomenology, thinkers such as Edmund Husserl and Maurice Merleau-Ponty focus on how we perceive the world.
Perception is not merely sensory; it is lived experience.
Habituation gradually kills living perception, replacing it with a ready-made pattern.
In this condition, we no longer see the partner themselves; we see only the familiar image we have formed of them.
Merleau-Ponty emphasised that the body lives the relationship, not the mind alone.
When the body loses its sense of wonder and interaction with the other, encounters become mere performance.
This explains how long companionship can turn into a silent lifelessness, because the meeting no longer truly occurs; it is merely repeated without authentic awareness.
The phenomenological conclusion:
Wonder can be preserved if we live the relationship as a continuously renewed event, not as a fixed image.
The philosophy of emotion and love
From the philosophy of love and emotion, the heart may possess its own logic, which the intellect does not always grasp.
Love begins with wonder, but over time it requires conscious care in order not to fade.
Habituation extinguishes wonder when we treat love as something possessed, while in essence it is a continually renewed act.
René Descartes, in his reflections on the passions, suggested that emotion fades if it is not nourished by the will.
Passion is therefore an act of mind and intention, not merely a spontaneous feeling.
Meanwhile, Ibn Arabi viewed love as “the light of perceiving truth in the beloved.”
The deeper we go, the more new levels reveal themselves.
The loss of wonder, in his view, means that we have stopped seeing the divine face within the other.
The conclusion of this perspective:
Love and passion do not die as long as the heart remains open to seeing what lies beyond the visible.
Mysticism and poetry
From the perspective of Sufi thought and poetry, habituation is not necessarily a flaw—it may be a test.
How do you continue loving someone you have grown accustomed to?
How do you remain astonished by the same face you have seen a thousand times?
Boredom, if it appears, may mark the beginning of transformation.
Every moment in a relationship hides a secret.
If wonder disappears, perhaps what has truly vanished is inner listening.
The Sufi conclusion:
Wonder never truly disappears; we simply close the eyes of our hearts to it.
Returning to passion is not a return to the past, but a return to presence.
Beyond personal relationships
Let us not be surprised by the disappearance of wonder and passion in our relationships.
Instead, let us try again to rediscover them and enter their depth.
They are not a lost past.
They are a failure to see the beauty that still exists.
Through habituation, we move into a reality we ourselves construct, yet we can leave it, not by returning to the past, but by creating a new present and a new future.
When habituation reaches society
The most dangerous aspect of habituation is that it does not stop at the details of daily life or personal emotions.
It can extend to the very conscience of society.
Societies, like individuals, can become accustomed to what should always remain shocking.
It may begin with an event that shakes the public conscience, a grave injustice, a violation of rights, or scenes of killing and destruction.
At first people feel shock and anger, and voices rise in rejection.
But when the scene repeats again and again, and the news continues to flow, something more dangerous occurs: people grow accustomed.
What was once a shock becomes a passing headline.
What was once a tragedy becomes a number in the news.
Over time, the sense of horror erodes, resistance weakens, and injustice becomes part of the daily landscape, passing without awakening the conscience as it once did.
Here lies the painful paradox:
Tyranny does not rely only on force.
It also relies on time’s ability to transform shock into habit.
When people become accustomed to injustice, resisting it becomes harder.
When news of killing and destruction is repeated until it loses its first impact, the human sensitivity that once rejected it becomes numb.
And when violations of human rights turn into ordinary news, society loses one of its most important moral immunities.
The most dangerous thing that can happen to any society is not merely the occurrence of injustice, but becoming accustomed to it.
Living societies are those that remain capable of moral astonishment, the ability to say “this is unacceptable,” even if it happens a thousand times.
When wonder dies, the public conscience erodes silently, and humanity itself begins to lose its meaning.
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