Muslim pilgrims circumambulate around the Kaaba, the cubic structure at the Grand Mosque, during the annual hajj pilgrimage, in Mecca, Saudi Arabia. AP
The 38-year-old engineer had been granted a permit to leave as he sought life-saving cancer treatment in Egypt, but Israeli authorities barred his family from accompanying him.
He said his departure from the Gaza Strip in February presented him with "the opportunity of a lifetime" to apply for the annual Muslim pilgrimage, which begins on Wednesday.
But even as he visited the holy sites in the Saudi city of Mecca, his heart was heavy with thoughts of his wife and four children, trapped in Gaza under Israel’s relentless bombardment and a brazen siege that has persisted for over two months.
"This is life's greatest suffering, to be far away from your family," Shehade told AFP on a roadside leading to Mecca's Grand Mosque.
He is among hundreds of Gazans set to perform Islam's holiest rites alongside more than a million worshippers from across the globe.
As pilgrims robed in white filed by, Shehade said he had been praying day and night for Israel's war on Gaza to end and to be reunited with his family.
"You could be in the best place in the world but if you are away from your family, you will never be happy," he said.
'Between two fires'
For nearly 20 months, Israel has carried out relentless attacks on Gaza, pausing its war — characterised by the International Court of Justice and rights groups worldwide as genocide — only for two brief truces.
Leaving Gaza, under Israeli blockade for nearly three months, has become virtually impossible for most residents, but some, like Shehade, have been evacuated on medical grounds.
"Here I am preparing to perform hajj but there are things I can't speak about. If I do I will cry," he said as tears began to form in his eyes.
Shehade left Gaza during a truce, but Israel has since renewed its intense bombing campaign and blocked aid deliveries, with the United Nations warning of widespread famine.
"When I left I was caught between two fires," Shehade said of the choice to travel for an essential surgery and leave his family behind.
Gaza’s health ministry said on Sunday that at least 4,149 people have been killed in the territory since Israel resumed strikes on 18 March, bringing the war’s overall death toll to 54,418 — mostly women and children.
US President Donald Trump said Friday that a new ceasefire deal was "very close", but the negotiations have appeared to hit another dead end.
Disillusioned after over a year and a half of failed talks, Shehade said he has "grown scared of being optimistic and becoming disappointed once more".
Prayers for peace
About 1,350 Gazans mostly residing in Egypt, in addition to another 500 who have been invited as guests of the Saudi king, are set to perform hajj this year, Palestinian officials said.
One Gazan pilgrim, Rajaee Rajeh al-Kahlout, 48, fled the Palestinian territory for Egypt with his four children and his wife seven months after war erupted.
His home was destroyed and his import-export business shattered.
While hajj is normally a source of joy, Kahlout said it was impossible for him to think of celebrations.
"All my family, my sisters and brothers, are still in Gaza... Every waking moment, we fear for our family," he told AFP, calling on pilgrims to pray for the war to end and loved ones to be reunited once more.
"I wish I could have come here during better times, without war, death and destruction."
The hajj, one of the five pillars of Islam, must be completed by all Muslims with the means at least once.
Official permits are allocated to countries through a quota system and distributed to individuals via a lottery.
In the lobby of the Al-Nuzha Plus hotel in Mecca, where Gazan pilgrims are staying, a widow in her 60s told AFP she had not seen her 10 children since she was evacuated for medical reasons last year.
She said she was praying for "the children of Palestine" enduring starvation and hardship under Israel’s war and siege of Gaza.
"All I think about is Gaza, my whole life is there: my children, my home... I want to return."
*This story was edited by Ahram Online.
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